The Difference Between Unwanted Same-sex attraction (SSA) and Being Gay Identified
It is a very rare occasion indeed when I meet someone who has even a simple understanding of, or has ever considered that there is a difference between a person who identifies as having unwanted same-sex attraction (SSA) and a person who is gay-identified. I believe this is due in part to the media culture we find ourselves surrounded by which tends to lump the two together viewing unwanted same-sex attraction as identical to gay identity.
One might argue that unwanted same-sex attraction/SSA and gay is the same thing because both share the characteristic of being drawn toward men sexually. So what is the difference between unwanted same-sex attraction/SSA and identifying as gay?
Unwanted same-sex attraction, or homosexuality, “names an aspect of such a man’s psychological condition.” (Nicolosi, J. 1997 Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality: A New Clinical Approach) What this means is that while a man may be drawn to particular men sexually, he does not want to act upon this attraction. Rather, he sees his unwanted same-sex attraction as one part of who he is, and not the whole. This man sees all of the other parts of himself that make him unique as separate from unwanted same-sex attraction: his characteristics, personality traits, vocation, his faith or religion, the role he plays in a family and community being a son, husband, father, sibling and friend.
“Gay describes a contemporary sociopolitical identity and lifestyle” (Nicolosi, J. 1997 Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality: A New Clinical Approach) that of which a man who deals with unwanted same-sex attraction/SSA would not claim.
When a man who has unwanted same-sex attraction acts out sexually with another man he reports being left with feelings of shame and remorse. This is typically not true of the gay identified man who is acting within the parameters of his identified self: a distinct and defining difference between the two.
Defining SSA and gay-identified as separate and distinct is necessary both for the man who needs to make an informed decision as he self-determines – however he proceeds in life – and for the surrounding community and culture at large to respect and honor that man’s self-determination.
Posted by Thaddeus Heffner, LMFT – April 1, 2011
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[...] I had a math professor during my undergrad years that employed the use of scripture when teaching the inversion of numbers. One scripture that has always stuck with me is 1 John 4:18, “…Perfect Love casts out fear…”- inverted “Perfect fear casts out Love.” This seems to be especially true when it comes to one of the hot button issues of our day, that being homosexuality or unwanted same-sex attraction: abbreviated SSA. (Let me clarify that when I speak of homosexuality or unwanted same-sex attraction, I am not speaking of someone who identifies as gay. For further explanation, click here for my blog post entitled “A Case of Mistaken Identity”.) [...]